My mom always told me this growing up and it wasn’t until recently that it truly clicked, mainly because I fought it SO HARD and because being in control at.all.times. means that you are a successful human.
I’ve got a babysitter lined up for my breakfast meeting, lunches made, and my work bag sorted and ready to go. Meetings set up through the day with an hour of ‘me’ time – finally. Yes. Life is great. In the flow. These are the days right?!
Up at 5:15 with Mr. 6 crawling in for a snuggle. I have no idea if I fell back asleep. Dazed. Alarm goes off, babysitter arrives at 6:15am. Off to the meeting with my presentation ready. Check. Home, pack kids in the car and we’re off to school. “Mom, I feel yucky. There’s barf in my mouth” as we walk through the parking lot.
A business day with Mom was NOT in the plan
What’s your relating story where your original plan got screwed up?
Have you noticed what happens for you in that moment?
I took note today.
Almost immediately my wild brain is going to;
Why didn’t you notice this before we drove to school? (it’s a 40 minute adventure)
What are you going to do now?
People are going to think you’re a flake for re-scheduling.
What were you thinking, starting your own business where sick days do not exist?
You are irresponsible, incompetent, and don’t deserve to run your own business.
A good mom would have _______.
And what happens for you?
A short time ago, I would have been grimacing to some level to my kids and everyone around. Not being nice, blaming the world, other people for making this happen and definitely complaining. And to be honest, there was a time where I would have lost my shit in this situation. Had an adult temper tantrum and stomped my feet and then cried in my car.
My outburst makes sense given my belief:
Being in control at.all.times. = successful human
Out of control = failure human, fraud, incompetent, irresponsible
Because clearly I am out of control when my son needs to rest and be sick for the day. And clearly I am not a successful human if I spend the day with my son and reschedule my meetings. Do you hear the bullshit in all of this?
What is your rooted belief? and do you hear the BS that it makes you spiral into?
Things that are helpful to know in life;
1. You have stories, they shape your perspectives and they are the lenses in which you move through the world.
2. Your stories are often in your blind spot, meaning others are better able to uncover them for you.
3. Living in your stories keeps you small and in my story above, bitter, angry and not the parent or person I want to be in this world.
3.5. Awareness is like gold. Once you know your story you can recognize it and choose outside of it.
4. It’s a choice to be closed, to not want to have a look and face the stories you have about yourself, others and the world. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, I’m saying it’s a choice whether or not you are open to have a look.
5. One of my most favourite things on the planet is uncovering stories, it’s FUN and I absolutely love the ah HA moments.
6. Almond butter is better than PB and mountain biking is way more exhilarating than road biking 😉
Now back into the experience above. I was swirling in my voices when it was declared that it would be a Mom and Mr. 6 day. Yes, I am an awareness junkie and YES I still get stuck and YES the voices still swirl. I am human AND here’s the thing, because I am aware and know my story I am able to recognize this pattern and make a choice. Go into the hole of torture or have a fun adventure. I chose the latter and the day had rainbow sprinkles all over it (even the barf!) because of it.
This ability to notice, choose outside and move on did not happen overnight. It took practice and will continue to be a practice for all my days, for all of my stories…. that I know of so far.
So for you, the invitation is to write down your beliefs. Today you could start with when something doesn’t go ‘your way’, what happens for you and what do you make it mean? Share it. This is part of the elixer for living a great big life. Sharing.
Big love to you, and your stories!